Secondary
A Right Royal Racket
Britain has had good and bad Kings (as every child’s history book tells) although effective and ineffective might be a better description. Of the ‘good’ ones, historians debate endlessly which of them was Britain’s best king. Henry V of Agincourt fame usually tops the list although Edward III, Elizabeth I and Henry II also get look-ins. One recent newspaper article argued for Elizabeth II.
What is widely acknowledged without need for debate, is that Britain’s worst King (by a royal mile) was King John. Among other things, John managed to lose all French land either won or inherited by his father Henry II, he lied to everyone, he betrayed his friends and family, he devised unspeakably cruel deaths for those he didn’t like, caused his barons to rise in fury against him and when they forced him to sign the charter of rights (Magna Carta) he did so with two fingers crossed firmly behind his back. A year later, having lost his crown jewels, he died in the most undignified way possible. In the words of one local history teacher, “he literally pooed himself to death.”
However, this county is perhaps the one place with lingering affection for John. Taking a break from murdering rivals to the throne and being an all-round vindictive so-and-so, in 1204 John granted borough status to King’s Lynn, giving it full trading rights, a boost to its status, securing the way for its future prosperity. On the grounds that anyone who does good for Norfolk can’t be all bad, let’s see if there is an alternative way to view the monarchical disaster that was the reign of King John.
Happily, there is. It is possible to argue that John has been much maligned and was actually the most foresighted, radically democratic and ultimately selfless monarch we have ever had.
John had the vision to realise that England holding land on both sides of the channel was unsustainable; spreading resources too thinly would leave her vulnerable to invasion. By relinquishing these lands (under the guise of battle defeats) John ensured England’s resources were concentrated where they were needed most. It is surely no coincidence that since the end of John’s reign England has experienced no lasting, hostile invasion, despite the best efforts of France, Spain, Germany, and others.
John then realised the model of absolute monarchy was also unsustainable. Foreseeing a catastrophic rising of the masses, such as eventually occurred in 18th century France, and with no thought for his own reputation he paved the way for what we now know as democracy. By manipulating his barons to the point of rebellion, he subtly nudged them to create the document that laid the way for Parliament and constitutional monarchy – all the things that make our political system the envy of the world.
Finally, in 1216, with England under threat of occupation by invading French forces supported by rebellious barons, and facing the prospect of a Frenchman on the throne, John went further than any English leader before or after him. Knowing his continued presence was the root of such danger, for the sake of his country John selflessly laid down his life and died of dysentery. His infant son Henry become King, defusing much of the tension as the Barons backed down. Without their support the French retreated and England lived to see another day.
‘A Right Royal Racket’ is set on Saturday 4th June 2022. This very specific date was the central day of the weekend celebrating Queen Elizabeth II’s platinum jubilee. It was an astonishing achievement; as one veteran journalist wryly commented at the time – “the platinum jubilee of a British monarch; a truly remarkable event and one I am unlikely to see again in my lifetime.”
But it all got me wondering how her predecessors would feel about her remarkable longevity. My guess is reactions would be… mixed. ‘A Right Royal Racket’ is the result of these wonderings.